baby olympics!

The Olympic Spirit is alive all over the world, and our little enclave is not missing out. We've decided to start the Baby Olympics (we initially titled them the "Babeolympics" but decided that sounded more like something from spring break. We will accept more entertaining, yet appropriate, names if you have them. Until then, Baby Olympics it is!)

Our keystone event is the Crib Deposit, in which the competitors must lull their babies to sleep at a ludicrous hour of the morning, usually around 3am, and then place them into their cribs. Babies must remain asleep after the deposit has taken place and, if not, the competitor must start the lulling routine over again. If the baby stirs upon depositing but doesn't wake this counts as a full deposit, however there is a deduction of style points. Style points are also deducted if the competitor resorts to army crawling out of the room. The most interesting part of the Deposit is that each competitor has his or her own unique style of lulling - some are quite still, others sing, some bounce madly around the room. In preparation for the Crib Deposit, competitors are deprived of sleep for a minimum of two months prior to the event.

Another exciting event is the Balancing Hurdles. In this fun program the competitors are sent on a series of activities, similar to a scavenger hunt. The biggest challenge is that the competitors are each given multiple small children, at least one of which is able to walk/run and at least one must be an infant on a three-hour feeding cycle. They are required to complete each activity in a short time period. Points are deducted for any public screaming fits (by either the children or the competitor), inability to complete activities, and missed feedings.

There are also events in which babies compete. There's the well-known Projectile Vomiting, the winner of which combines quantity and distance into a spectacular splatter, preferably on another person, pet, or furniture. A similar event is the Super P, more familiarly known as the explosive poo. And, of course, there is the Breakdown, when babies try to cause a breakdown in their caretakers by any means possible (relentless screaming is a popular technique, as is repeated performances of the Super P.)